Racheal: did you forget to turn on the dishwasher?
Alan: *Drinking from a vase*No why?
Carla; I’m still trying to figure out why you’re friends with me
Racheal: Because you’re sweet and funny
Carla: Terrance says I’m bitter and grumpy, so one of you is lying
Alan: are you sure you’re okay?
Racheal, crying: yeah, it’s just these onions.
Alan:
Alan: those are potatoes
Skyler Anderson: I’m Sky. That’s short for Skyler.
Oliver Anderson: I’m Ollie. That’s short for Oliver.
Richard Anderson: I’m Richard. I’m just short.
Alan: Richard, did you eat all the donuts?
Richard: No.
Alan: Why are you lying to me? I can see all the powder on your pants.
Richard, panicking: That’s cocaine.
Vanessa: I lost the younger brother.
Elijah: How did you lose Richard?!
Vanessa: Give me a break! He's like two inches tall.
Carla: Hey, Alan! What’s up?
Alan: *Looking at his kids doing crazy stuff, via security cameras at the house*
Alan: My stress level.
Ian: Me and Elijah, get along perfectly! Right, Elijah?
Elijah: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life
Vanessa: If I cut off my leg and swing it at your head, am I hitting you or kicking you?
Oliver: You'll probably end up mentally scaring me more than anything
Richard: Can’t you at least try to see this from my perspective?
Oliver: *crouches down*
Richard: I hate you.
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